Critique of American Apparel

I'm not gonna lie, seeing an American Apparel ad usually makes me cough up my cookies. There's just something about them that drives me nuts... Like, in theory, the ads could be considered editorial... or something similarly "artistic"... But there's just something wrong with them. I think it's just because the clothes are fucking ugly.

So, because you all asked, my first fashion post will be about what NOT to wear, featuring the wonderfully fugly American Apparel. I've gone through the site, and decided to feature something from each section of note.

Lets start with men, since they're on top (does that tell you something about American Apparel's morals?)

The first section is "basic t-shirts," and they mean it. It's the basic tee cut, in any color or fabric you could think of, for the low, low price of 20 bucks a pop. Okay, so negative 5 points for ridiculous pricing, but +1 for offering a staple.

The second section is "not-so-basic t-shirts." There, you'll find tee-shirts with more than one color on them, whether you're looking for prints or just patterns. Here, you'll find what they like to affectionately term, "the old," their sad attempts at fashionable vintage. Here's my personal favorite:

Okay, even as a child, I knew this geometric, bright colors fad of the nineties was fucking ugly.

-8 for fucking ugly. +2 for a bold attempt at hoping ugly will be pretty.

The next section is "Sweatshirts." This is my personal favorite. Priced modestly, at 44 dollars, it is only available in this color:

Do I really need to say
anything witty here?

Next comes "Jackets." There are so many horrid things here, and I just had to pick one... Here you go:

This comes in this color,
and gold.

At this point, I got bored with the men's selection, and moved on to the women. I skipped straight past "basic tees" and went directly to "not-so-basic tees." Here's what I found, for 32 dollars:

For fashion's sake, this

is just a square with holes
cut in it!!

In the sweatshirts section, I came across this:

To be fair, the cut of this has potential... Somewhere under all that ugly...

To be honest here, I completely skipped through jackets. I just couldn't pick one article to feature... So here's my choice from the "sweaters" section. Seriously. People realized this cut was stupid about twenty years ago...

Is it just me, or does this model seem particularly... dead to you?

Okay, so in the "Long Sleeve" section, I found, among the various plan, staple tops, and some ugly cardigans, this jewel:

How many times to I have to state
this, people? The eighties are over!
Now-a-days, we like our women with
curves!

Onward to shorts. Let me admit here, that it's pretty hard to screw up shorts. I actually think these have potential:

Worn correctly, these may even
create a super sexy outfit.

These, however, are completely hideous:

Is anybody else reminded of
a sweaty, short little man, jumping
about and telling you that you
can do it?

Onward to the "Skirts" section. I will openly admit here, that I found nothing of fatal ugliness in this section. But then again, I suppose a skirt is even harder to screw up than shorts...

Dresses, I thought would go similar. Boy, was I wrong...

"Oh shit, my dress for tonight isn't
gonna work, quick grab me dad's
old work-out tank, I'll just throw a
rubberband around my waist..."

Finally reaching the "Pants" section, I got excited. I knew right away what I wanted to talk about here, and quickly found it. For seventy four dollars, you can proudly wear your brand new DiscoPants:

I honestly pray that, in your
heart-of-hearts, you know that
this is BUTT UGLY.

And so, feeling despair, I moved onto the swim section. There I only found more cause to cry. For thirty-six dollars, you get this one-piece, without the tee underneath it.

I honestly just don't know what
to say about this....

At this point, I lost all hope for humanity, and closed the tab in my browser.

So there you have it friends. I will say that, occasionally, you will actually find something worth getting. (Their nylon selection is rather impressive.) But overall, it is physicall painful to visit this place. Ugly, listless models wearing ugly, soulless clothing. It just makes me shiver.

If you're interested at all in looking, the site is americanapparel.com. I don't suggest it.